Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Stats, Strats & Mats

I am making my first venture into theory-crafting today, as well as going over some lesser known strategies for lesser known fights. I will then tie it all together with a list of all the mats you will need to succeed in these lesser known adventures.

The most important stat in WoW (and this is common among all classes/specs) is the Luck stat. It’s a lesser known stat that can be found somewhere in your UI, or maybe it’s just hidden, I can’t remember. I came across this stat when attempting to solidify my priority rotation for my little bunny. You see, the Luck stat takes your Intellect (not in-game intellect, but your actual brain intellect as measured by your IQ) and it subtracts from it your height (in feet.inches). From there it adds your weight (in pounds), multiplied by your age, and then is divided by how many moles are on your back. The fewer the moles the greater your Luck.

((Intellect – height + weight) * Age) / Moles on Back

Let’s take a random person and measure their Luck rating.

((110 – 6.1 + 175) * 28 / 9 = 868 Luck Rating (rounded up). At 32.5 Rating per 1% Luck the Luck percentage (%) would then equal = 26.70% (rounded). What this means is that 26.70% of all you do in the game is pure luck. Our mind makes mistakes, we press the wrong spell, we move the wrong way, we target the wrong mob and pull threat off the tank, but in the end somehow we still are victorious.

If you are so blessed with beautiful skin, and therefore are just more beautiful than your average Joe, then your Luck rating is much higher. Haven’t you noticed how good looking people get more of what they want than ugly people? It’s about the moles on their back, or if you don’t like to picture moles, it’s about having good skin.

Anyway, if you want to test this theory, count the moles on your back then ask yourself, “Do I find myself in a lot of fail groups or successful groups?” If you fail a lot, maybe it’s not because you don’t know your class or rotation or don’t have a good tank or healer, maybe you just have too many moles on your back and having them removed will improve your performance.

In the depths of the ocean lies a monster of innumerable powers, a foe so deadly that even the top guilds in the world have yet to defeat it. You may have seen it on the beaches as a little child, if you were granted that gift by your parents on your vacation, and you now don’t even realize that it exists in WoW.

That’s right, I’m talking about sea weed. It can’t crit for 20K damage, but as it wraps itself around your legs it delivers a sensation to your brain that there is some mysterious force pulling you under the water’s surface to your impending doom. Their tentacles reach out in the most unexpected places, and the fear that they strike into people is greater than speaking in public. You can’t see them when they begin their attack, the water ripples around their shapes and distorts their color. Perhaps they can shape shift and turn into a Great White Shark and devour you whole? Who really knows the motives of these foul creatures, but we do know how to defeat them.

You will need a Rogue, Mage and Warrior for this.

The Warrior runs into the ocean, gets tangled in the see weed and dies. Good, now we have the stupid Warrior out of the way we can beat this evil. The Mage puts a freezing spell over the ocean, the Rogue chops holes in the ice as if he/she is ice fishing. Once he spots the enemy he slashes and destroys it. It’s quick, it’s easy, and you didn’t even need to bring a Death Knight (although it’s not a bad idea to do so and sent the DK in with the Warrior). Come to think of it, have the Hunter run in and tell him to melee DPS with the DK and Warrior, get rid of all 3 dummies.

Be careful, you’ll again need a dagger wielding Rogue for this one too. If anyone shows up for the fight and you discover that they have too many moles on their back, you’ll need to break out the liquid Nitrogen. Take a cotton swab and coat it in the liquid nitrogen, rub it on the back of the mole-infested class and have the Rogue use their daggers to remove the moles, thereby increasing your Luck rating/chance and put yourself and your allies in a position to defeat the monstrous sea weed monsters

When removing moles on somebody’s back, just remember that one might be a birth mark, and if you remove it then you shall be the means of permanently destroying their soul. And if a group member has a mole just to the right of their upper lip, that’s probably a super-model, which means that you want her on your team. Imagine your chance at getting lucky then!, I mean your Luck rating will go up.

Good luck and have fun at the beaches this summer!


LarĂ­sa said...

Can I blame the moles on my back for never winning the roll on the mount in Sarth+3d? All but everyone but me has one by now after +1 year of doing that encounter. Including a whole bunch of people who've lefter the game.

Damned moles. Got to contact a surgeon.

Gronthe said...

@ Larisa: You absolutely can. Just be careful, some doctors like to use fire instead of ice. But of all people, you should be used to fire by now.