I was sitting in front of my computer this morning, unable to take my eyes off of my desktop wallpaper that I put up a couple days ago. It's a screenshot from what I assume is the Wandering Isle, although it could be from anywhere I suppose. I really don't know, but it doesn't really matter. Anyhoo, it's a picture of a Pandaren on a hill looking over a hill of blossoming trees. The colors of green and pink and blue are wonderfully contrasting and provide a sort of serenity to my mind. I wonder what that Pandaren is thinking? Happy and hoping for a fruitful season? Or maybe he's glad to get away from the onslaught of new Pandarens appearing in their new world (whereas from our perspective it's players testing out the beta in the new starting area). The picture reminds me of someone telling their boss, or significant other, or parent, or co-worker that they were glad to be able to get away last weekend, that the disconnect from real life was a life saver and they are back and recharged and ready to start fresh.
How nice. But this happy-go-lucky story is not about THAT sort of disconnect, no, I'd like to mention something on the disconnect between those in charge of giving yet another expansion to explore and the gamers exploring that expansion.
The stark and obvious disconnect reared its ugly head the morning people realized that MoP beta was open and ready for play. People commenting around the interwebsnetses, complaining that even though they had signed up for the now infamous Annual Pass, they had not yet received their beta invite. Conversely could be seen Blizzard's famous "blues" attempting to quell fears and reassure everyone that all worthy and eligible for invites would receive them in due time.
So who's to blame? Who's at fault? Must there be a guilty party or is this just a case of innocent miscommunication?
Ok, so I thought about it and came to this conclusion...everyone's at fault. Disconnects happen when people don't honestly strive to understand what the other is trying to communicate. I think, and appropriately enough Confucius helps us out there, that the following explains things nicely:
"If language is not correct, then what is said is not what is meant; if what is said is not what is meant, then what must be done remains undone; if this remains undone, morals and art will deteriorate; if justice goes astray, the people will stand about in helpless confusion. Hence there must be no arbitrariness in what is said. This matters above everything."
—Confucius
Blizzard's responsibility in this disconnect is important, because even up through the media event of a couple weeks ago, they did not share their plan of how and when they would let people into the beta. It's possible they did have a plan, in which case they really did a poor job at detailing that plan to everyone else. It's also possible that they didn't have a plan, which would be worse since they would simply rely on hubris to WILL a plan together when the need presented itself. Problem was, the need existed a while ago and their language wasn't very clear.
Players are equally lacking in that there were too many who refused patience or who did not properly express their expectations in advance. Or if they did express their expectations in advance, upon realizing that they didn't get what they wanted the second they wanted it resorted to "unproductive" language, usually made up of frustration or anger or severe displeasure.
The media covering all this wasn't any help either. I don't know how many interviews I read that came out of the media event, but there weren't too many difficult questions, probably because they were all afraid of not being part of the "in crowd" for future events. When Blizzard higher-ups stated that they hadn't worked out a plan as to how to get people into beta, whey were there not follow up questions like "Why don't you already have a plan? Don't you think your investors would want you to plan for things this big in advance? Do you really believe that people will just blindly follow because you hold all the power and the gamers are without recourse? A multi-million dollar company, on the verge of one of their largest beta releases, and still no plan? What exactly are you doing over there in your cubicle or office?"
As one of those players, it would have been nice to have the media express my voice instead of giggling their way through interview questions my 9 year old son could come up with. Then why as a player did I not hold these media outlets, these large and popular blogs, responsible for their less than informative behavior? I think the answer to all of this is a jaded one on my part, I think that people enjoy being satisfied with something on one hand, but still allow themselves the freedom to criticize what's in the other. It leaves us, as people, in a position of power. Players hate feeling dictated to, so we speak out, often using incorrect and unproductive language in the process. The big business strategizes and contemplates then acts in a manner they believe will be most profitable for their businesses. Media acts much like businesses, but allows themselves freedom to act like they are allied with the player-base, that way they do their business and placate the players at the same time.
All the while there is a terrible disconnect. Players don't understand all the motives of the developer/business, and the business doesn't have to always capitulate to the players. But we don't understand each other sometimes not because we are incapable, but because we're unwilling. A business doensn't want to lose business, and a player doesn't want to feel like their investment of time and money into a game has been wasted. So we often find ourselves in the same place, probably more often than we like to admit. But we all seem to like it there. It's where we're comfortable.
I, for one, asked myself these things ever since Blizz Con, wondering about the plan to grant access to one of if not the largest betas ever, but since I was self-disconnected from the world I kept all these things to myself. But now I am speaking up again, wondering if the disconnect will ever go away, or if this is how it will always be?
As always I hope for the best, but expect more of the same.
Showing posts with label Motives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motives. Show all posts
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, January 24, 2011
Failure
I'm not very accustomed to fail. You know those kids you went to school with, the ones that always got good grades, that were the stars of the basketball and other teams, the ones that all the girls thought were cute? It's a bit of a stereotype, I know, but I think we all know or knew someone like that. If there's one thing I am it's honest. Not modest, unless I'm in the mood, and today I'm not. I was one of those kids, and I was proud of it.
The thing about being the kid who succeeds at everything, is sooner or later you begin to think that you can't fail. Until you do. As this isn't exactly the time and place to list all of my life failures, rather a silly little World of Warcraft blog, I think I'll limit my comments to this silly game instead of confronting the more frightening reality of how totally unsuccessful I have been at meeting many personal life goals.
DPS to Heals to Failure
I would tend to guess that many newbies start their wow careers as some sort of DPS. Some may have started as a Holy Pali thinking that that would provide them the best chance at being awesome at swinging a big mace. But let's not pick on those silly little Paladins today, they have a hard enough time as is. I thought the point of the game was to hit with a stick. Then I experimented, learning took the place of ignorance, and in time I realized that I could do various things.
My road to becoming a healer has been treated on this blog, so for time's sake I won't rehash the past. Let's just say I found myself in ICC with my Resto Shaman chain healing my way to victory. That is until I had to give it up for a while.
So Cataclysm comes and I start reading how healing is hard, how it sucks, how people are giving it up because it's unreasonably difficult. I read how the devs think "healing is in a good place right now, where we want it" (not actual quote, just paraphrasing multiple quotes). I switched my shaman back to Enhance for Cata, not because of the supposed healing difficulties but rather because I wanted to have fun in a more seflish way this time around.
But my Priest, oh, my Priest kept a healing spec. And this past week I healed something for the very first time. And I failed.
Horribly failed.
And when I say failed, I mean I really was aweful. Even my own guildies didn't want to be patient after two wipes, they just thought I sucked. It hurt, mainly because these particular guild mates weren't a part of the guild in ICC, they didn't seem me almost single heal Festergut. They had no idea how good I was, (or how good I thought I was). Now in their eyes I suck, I'm a terrible healer that probably doesn't deserve a spot in the guild. As for me? What do I think?
Well I failed, and no I don't think I'm unworthy. But chances of me logging into my Priest again any time soon is around 3%. I don't take failure well. I didn't fail much as a child, or a teen, or in college where every professor wanted me to follow in their footsteps and choose THEIR discipline of study. I didn't fail when I programmed amazing financial models that improved the productivity and efficiency of my accounting department by measurements unknown to human kind. Ok, hyperbole, more like by about 500% increased efficiency. And a system that saw a 60% error rate to less than 1%.
I won't blame my back pain for any goals not attained, some things are just out of our controls. Even being unemployed doesn't make me feel like a failure. But for some reason, I felt like a failure this week when I couldn't even keep a tank alive for more than 20 seconds.
Odd, really, how something so silly, a game, can make you feel such things. I guess my specs will be Shadow PvE and Shadow PvP from now on. Screw healing!
Don't look at me like that! Don't you dare call me a quitter! I think I fight quite hard every day in RL to make up for EVERYTHING I may choose to STOP doing in a game. One thing was obvious to me about healing, I had no idea what I did wrong. What I didn't understand was why I couldn't keep a tank alive when I was healing every second. Health was dropping too quickly and I just couldn't keep up. Perhaps the tank was doing something wrong? I won't know, really, because he'll never admit to it. I kept my shield up on him, along with the Grace buff, Penance on cooldown, even Pain Suppression to reduce damage taken - not to mention Inspiration (another damage reducer). It's not as if I didn't now HOW to heal as a Discipline Priest, but it's obvious to me that there was something that I clearly didn't understand. And that bothers me.
I've read enough about healing to know what I needed to do, and I thought I was doing it. I've done it before on my Priest, A LOT in fact, just not in the Cataclysm era. And that's my undoing. But that's in the past now, I guess, and that failure will stick with me for a while, which is something I'm not looking forward to. I suppose I could try it again, a chance to redeem myself. But what if I fail again? Can my pride take it if I try again and fail again? What more trauma will that unleash on me?
We've seen the number of tanks and healers recently, and there's a lot of reasons for that, all of which we won't discuss today. There are even solution, which we definately won't discuss. I wonder how many stopped because they failed and, like me, are just too afraid to keep failing. Maybe it's irrational, but try being rational with the irrational - it's not an easy thing, ya know.
Where I Sum Things But Come to No Conclusion
All this talk about failure, though, is just too heavy for a Monday. But since I don't really care and this is what I felt inspired to write about today there you have it. I've been mulling the idea for a really long post on Success, I think I'll write that, it's all cheery and happy stuff.
Some fail and get back up and succeed. Some fail and get back up and fail. Some fail, which failure frightens them into trying again. I won't say if one is worse than another, all could happen to you or me at any time and any place in life, so I won't judge (although I'm sure somebody will be more than happy to). As for my healing failure, it won't mean I won't heal again on any toon, just that one...for now...maybe. I can't see the future.
The thing about being the kid who succeeds at everything, is sooner or later you begin to think that you can't fail. Until you do. As this isn't exactly the time and place to list all of my life failures, rather a silly little World of Warcraft blog, I think I'll limit my comments to this silly game instead of confronting the more frightening reality of how totally unsuccessful I have been at meeting many personal life goals.
DPS to Heals to Failure
I would tend to guess that many newbies start their wow careers as some sort of DPS. Some may have started as a Holy Pali thinking that that would provide them the best chance at being awesome at swinging a big mace. But let's not pick on those silly little Paladins today, they have a hard enough time as is. I thought the point of the game was to hit with a stick. Then I experimented, learning took the place of ignorance, and in time I realized that I could do various things.
My road to becoming a healer has been treated on this blog, so for time's sake I won't rehash the past. Let's just say I found myself in ICC with my Resto Shaman chain healing my way to victory. That is until I had to give it up for a while.
So Cataclysm comes and I start reading how healing is hard, how it sucks, how people are giving it up because it's unreasonably difficult. I read how the devs think "healing is in a good place right now, where we want it" (not actual quote, just paraphrasing multiple quotes). I switched my shaman back to Enhance for Cata, not because of the supposed healing difficulties but rather because I wanted to have fun in a more seflish way this time around.
But my Priest, oh, my Priest kept a healing spec. And this past week I healed something for the very first time. And I failed.
Horribly failed.
And when I say failed, I mean I really was aweful. Even my own guildies didn't want to be patient after two wipes, they just thought I sucked. It hurt, mainly because these particular guild mates weren't a part of the guild in ICC, they didn't seem me almost single heal Festergut. They had no idea how good I was, (or how good I thought I was). Now in their eyes I suck, I'm a terrible healer that probably doesn't deserve a spot in the guild. As for me? What do I think?
Well I failed, and no I don't think I'm unworthy. But chances of me logging into my Priest again any time soon is around 3%. I don't take failure well. I didn't fail much as a child, or a teen, or in college where every professor wanted me to follow in their footsteps and choose THEIR discipline of study. I didn't fail when I programmed amazing financial models that improved the productivity and efficiency of my accounting department by measurements unknown to human kind. Ok, hyperbole, more like by about 500% increased efficiency. And a system that saw a 60% error rate to less than 1%.
I won't blame my back pain for any goals not attained, some things are just out of our controls. Even being unemployed doesn't make me feel like a failure. But for some reason, I felt like a failure this week when I couldn't even keep a tank alive for more than 20 seconds.
Odd, really, how something so silly, a game, can make you feel such things. I guess my specs will be Shadow PvE and Shadow PvP from now on. Screw healing!
Don't look at me like that! Don't you dare call me a quitter! I think I fight quite hard every day in RL to make up for EVERYTHING I may choose to STOP doing in a game. One thing was obvious to me about healing, I had no idea what I did wrong. What I didn't understand was why I couldn't keep a tank alive when I was healing every second. Health was dropping too quickly and I just couldn't keep up. Perhaps the tank was doing something wrong? I won't know, really, because he'll never admit to it. I kept my shield up on him, along with the Grace buff, Penance on cooldown, even Pain Suppression to reduce damage taken - not to mention Inspiration (another damage reducer). It's not as if I didn't now HOW to heal as a Discipline Priest, but it's obvious to me that there was something that I clearly didn't understand. And that bothers me.
I've read enough about healing to know what I needed to do, and I thought I was doing it. I've done it before on my Priest, A LOT in fact, just not in the Cataclysm era. And that's my undoing. But that's in the past now, I guess, and that failure will stick with me for a while, which is something I'm not looking forward to. I suppose I could try it again, a chance to redeem myself. But what if I fail again? Can my pride take it if I try again and fail again? What more trauma will that unleash on me?
We've seen the number of tanks and healers recently, and there's a lot of reasons for that, all of which we won't discuss today. There are even solution, which we definately won't discuss. I wonder how many stopped because they failed and, like me, are just too afraid to keep failing. Maybe it's irrational, but try being rational with the irrational - it's not an easy thing, ya know.
Where I Sum Things But Come to No Conclusion
All this talk about failure, though, is just too heavy for a Monday. But since I don't really care and this is what I felt inspired to write about today there you have it. I've been mulling the idea for a really long post on Success, I think I'll write that, it's all cheery and happy stuff.
Some fail and get back up and succeed. Some fail and get back up and fail. Some fail, which failure frightens them into trying again. I won't say if one is worse than another, all could happen to you or me at any time and any place in life, so I won't judge (although I'm sure somebody will be more than happy to). As for my healing failure, it won't mean I won't heal again on any toon, just that one...for now...maybe. I can't see the future.
Monday, November 1, 2010
In Flux - Interaction between life and games
It's annoying, really, how real life can get in the way of a good game. My oldest son makes me aware of this often when I ask him to take out the trash while he's on the XBox. 'C'mon dad, I'm almost done, just give me a few more minutes.' Yep, life gets in the way of his enjoyment big time!
I want to immerse myself, or at the very least take some time out of my life to enjoy some good stories or a fun quest or getting Gronthe to 80 (I'm so close, 79 and more than half way there). But life doesn't always let you finish, sometimes life wants you to take out the trash and it means NOW!!!
I don't apologize for not writing for over a week. I mean, who am I offending? My readership is small, but THE BEST IN THE WORLD, yet I feel as if I've been caged, hutched and desperate, unable to express myself in the most free way that I've found yet.
We live, we play, we love, we cry, our pulses race and our emotions are stirred. I've worked with people I viewed as cold-hearted, persons who believed that work was the only life worth living. I personally felt pity for them as I did not share that same sentiment. I've always believed that good leisure time was a good life spent. To take those precious minutes or longer each day to rest the mind and the heart, to escape the troubles of life and the pressures of work is a gift to oneself that should not be denied. But still some denied themselves time with...themselves. And done in the name and for the sake of money, power, prestiege, and show.
In times and seasons of change, where an old world is coming to an end and the ravaged world of Deathwing is upon our doorsteps, life interrupts the liesure and gaming of the strongest and the weakest of us. For some life has more to say, for others its existence is evidenced occaisionally while the "me time" that one enjoys is of longer duration than another. So now priorities must be examined and a plan of action followed. How boring, right? Yet life won't accept you if you take "just a few more minutes", it needs to be attended to, and it needs it right NOW!!!
I don't hide the workings of my personal life, for if I've said it once I've said it again, and is the basis for this blog, that me and my toon are one. When one experiences grief, so does the other. When my raids failed, my life was affected (or so my wife complained often). When life failed, it affected those that I created and played with over hundreds of levels.
Life, games, it's all connected to me. Why? Because real people play games. People with blood flowing through their veins and electric signals being passed along the corridors of the brain. These people, you and me, we control our toons, and our toons influence us. Or the world our toons live in influence us, and can change habits that we develop in real life. So it is that we're always connected, and I'll never stop talking about my real life here. It's who I am, and what I do, and nobody will stop me. You can stop reading, that would suck, but I'll continue to write.
That said, I'm in a season of change. I'm recently unemployed in one of the worst job markets in the US of A. I'm handicap with a disability that is only getting worse. I'm a shell of my former poetential self, and don't know where or how I will keep a roof over my wife and kid's heads two months from now. Forget Christmas, I've already told my kids it ain't happening this year. But the amazing thing is this, and listen closely, I still try to make time to sit down with my eight year old boy and play some wow when I can. Why? Because it's him...and me...us...together...sharing something we both love, and we laugh and sing and dance and cry together and love it.
Ladies and gentelmen, don't ever think that the interruptions of life need to stop you from taking some leisure time with yourself, and if you have some, with your kids. Mental health is important, and money isn't the only thing in this world that lifts us up out of slums. Love, family, friends, and even the companionship of friendly guildies that you probably have never seen can make your life better, even when life not only interrupts your life but throws a screw ball at your head (baseball reference, Congrats to the SF Giants for winning the World Series). In my case, my employer, after knowing that I just picked up my wife after a week in a hospital and hours from potential death, sent me packing with little pity in their eyes and fat wallets in their pockets. Curse them!
But bless you, dear readers! I am not gone, I'm just interrupted by life and have to take out the trash. I'm around and will continue to bring you music (yes, I rememered, but as I've said life is sucking right now and demanding much more time of me than anticipated, but I WILL NOT back out on my promise to deliver a really bad musical song). I will continue to offer opinions, share stories, report fake news, and ponder endlessly about the connection between us and the games we play. Until next time, adieu!
I want to immerse myself, or at the very least take some time out of my life to enjoy some good stories or a fun quest or getting Gronthe to 80 (I'm so close, 79 and more than half way there). But life doesn't always let you finish, sometimes life wants you to take out the trash and it means NOW!!!
I don't apologize for not writing for over a week. I mean, who am I offending? My readership is small, but THE BEST IN THE WORLD, yet I feel as if I've been caged, hutched and desperate, unable to express myself in the most free way that I've found yet.
We live, we play, we love, we cry, our pulses race and our emotions are stirred. I've worked with people I viewed as cold-hearted, persons who believed that work was the only life worth living. I personally felt pity for them as I did not share that same sentiment. I've always believed that good leisure time was a good life spent. To take those precious minutes or longer each day to rest the mind and the heart, to escape the troubles of life and the pressures of work is a gift to oneself that should not be denied. But still some denied themselves time with...themselves. And done in the name and for the sake of money, power, prestiege, and show.
In times and seasons of change, where an old world is coming to an end and the ravaged world of Deathwing is upon our doorsteps, life interrupts the liesure and gaming of the strongest and the weakest of us. For some life has more to say, for others its existence is evidenced occaisionally while the "me time" that one enjoys is of longer duration than another. So now priorities must be examined and a plan of action followed. How boring, right? Yet life won't accept you if you take "just a few more minutes", it needs to be attended to, and it needs it right NOW!!!
I don't hide the workings of my personal life, for if I've said it once I've said it again, and is the basis for this blog, that me and my toon are one. When one experiences grief, so does the other. When my raids failed, my life was affected (or so my wife complained often). When life failed, it affected those that I created and played with over hundreds of levels.
Life, games, it's all connected to me. Why? Because real people play games. People with blood flowing through their veins and electric signals being passed along the corridors of the brain. These people, you and me, we control our toons, and our toons influence us. Or the world our toons live in influence us, and can change habits that we develop in real life. So it is that we're always connected, and I'll never stop talking about my real life here. It's who I am, and what I do, and nobody will stop me. You can stop reading, that would suck, but I'll continue to write.
That said, I'm in a season of change. I'm recently unemployed in one of the worst job markets in the US of A. I'm handicap with a disability that is only getting worse. I'm a shell of my former poetential self, and don't know where or how I will keep a roof over my wife and kid's heads two months from now. Forget Christmas, I've already told my kids it ain't happening this year. But the amazing thing is this, and listen closely, I still try to make time to sit down with my eight year old boy and play some wow when I can. Why? Because it's him...and me...us...together...sharing something we both love, and we laugh and sing and dance and cry together and love it.
Ladies and gentelmen, don't ever think that the interruptions of life need to stop you from taking some leisure time with yourself, and if you have some, with your kids. Mental health is important, and money isn't the only thing in this world that lifts us up out of slums. Love, family, friends, and even the companionship of friendly guildies that you probably have never seen can make your life better, even when life not only interrupts your life but throws a screw ball at your head (baseball reference, Congrats to the SF Giants for winning the World Series). In my case, my employer, after knowing that I just picked up my wife after a week in a hospital and hours from potential death, sent me packing with little pity in their eyes and fat wallets in their pockets. Curse them!
But bless you, dear readers! I am not gone, I'm just interrupted by life and have to take out the trash. I'm around and will continue to bring you music (yes, I rememered, but as I've said life is sucking right now and demanding much more time of me than anticipated, but I WILL NOT back out on my promise to deliver a really bad musical song). I will continue to offer opinions, share stories, report fake news, and ponder endlessly about the connection between us and the games we play. Until next time, adieu!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Seasons
We’re at the time of year in the Northern Hemisphere knows as fall, or autumn. It’s a season of great change to the world’s northern forests as the chlorophyll in leaves quickly disintegrates due to lack of sunshine, and the other pigments in the leaves begin to shine through giving us stunning reds, deep and penetrating oranges, and brilliant yellows. Explosions of color come to the forests of China, Europe, Appalachia then on to Canada. Of course let’s not forget the place I grew up, New England (specifically New Hampshire), who has, in my o-so-not-even-close-to-being-biased, THE BEST AUTUMN COLORS IN THE WORLD.
What is so different about this autumn than the ones that came before it? This autumn we received the news of the actual release date for Cataclysm. This time last year I was aware of it, as were we all with the announcement at Blizzcon, but this is the year it’s actually happening and is no longer some far off dream, it’s an impending inevitability. The inevitable for me is that I am being drained of my former pigments, my paradigm of Azeroth is disintegrating within me and I’m being filled with the vibrant colors of change.
In truth my change began to occur long before autumn, but it’s in this season that it’s all coming to a head and I’m being forced to face these new and fresh pigments, a new paradigm of how and why I play WoW. I’m forced to ask myself, what do the changes mean for me? I shall attempt to give voice to these colors.
What is so different about this autumn than the ones that came before it? This autumn we received the news of the actual release date for Cataclysm. This time last year I was aware of it, as were we all with the announcement at Blizzcon, but this is the year it’s actually happening and is no longer some far off dream, it’s an impending inevitability. The inevitable for me is that I am being drained of my former pigments, my paradigm of Azeroth is disintegrating within me and I’m being filled with the vibrant colors of change.
In truth my change began to occur long before autumn, but it’s in this season that it’s all coming to a head and I’m being forced to face these new and fresh pigments, a new paradigm of how and why I play WoW. I’m forced to ask myself, what do the changes mean for me? I shall attempt to give voice to these colors.
Gardener
I have sewn the seeds of a garden, and filled it with fresh and colorful fruits and vegetables. Tomatoes, Watermelon, Squash, Cucumber, Carrots, Peas. Around this garden I’ve planted flowers of various color, shape, size, and scent. It’s my garden and I need to tend to it well, removing weeds by hand and making sure the plants get the right amount of sunlight and water in their season.
Huh?
I am learning that my enjoyment of WoW comes when I involve myself in a plethora of activities, and I take the time in those activities to make sure I’m enjoying myself. Not going to fast, because I don’t want to flood my plants with too much sun or water, and not being too lethargic (i.e. spacing out the watering schedule so that my plants dry up). I’m learning that as I participate in the many, many activities that the game has to offer at ALL levels, I am doing no more than being true to myself and enjoying the game more.
I’ve always thought of myself as pretty well-rounded in life, just about everything fascinates me and I love to study all things that come before me. Whether it’s music, movies, books, or any educational subject I have an interest in it. It would be against my nature of being well-rounded if I only did one singular activity in the game. I tried that for a while, and although I liked it while I did it, I learned that I raided at the exclusion of other enjoyments, and that has and will change with Cataclysm.
I have sewn the seeds of a garden, and filled it with fresh and colorful fruits and vegetables. Tomatoes, Watermelon, Squash, Cucumber, Carrots, Peas. Around this garden I’ve planted flowers of various color, shape, size, and scent. It’s my garden and I need to tend to it well, removing weeds by hand and making sure the plants get the right amount of sunlight and water in their season.
Huh?
I am learning that my enjoyment of WoW comes when I involve myself in a plethora of activities, and I take the time in those activities to make sure I’m enjoying myself. Not going to fast, because I don’t want to flood my plants with too much sun or water, and not being too lethargic (i.e. spacing out the watering schedule so that my plants dry up). I’m learning that as I participate in the many, many activities that the game has to offer at ALL levels, I am doing no more than being true to myself and enjoying the game more.
I’ve always thought of myself as pretty well-rounded in life, just about everything fascinates me and I love to study all things that come before me. Whether it’s music, movies, books, or any educational subject I have an interest in it. It would be against my nature of being well-rounded if I only did one singular activity in the game. I tried that for a while, and although I liked it while I did it, I learned that I raided at the exclusion of other enjoyments, and that has and will change with Cataclysm.
Old & New Motivations
I still play as a form of release and relaxation from life. I still find my play time a fun way to connect with my kids because we truly share something in common. And as my 10-year old becomes a teen, I’m going to search for more and more things to have in common with him if I have any hope of maintaining a connection with him. He’s great, but he as disabilities that hinder his ability to socialize, even within his own family, so common interests remain an important connection.
But there are some motives that are new, sentiments that have morphed into pigments that will help redefine me. I’ve had a creativity awoken in me again, one that I repressed far too long while I made my way into reality and the business world. This creativity has found life in writing, not only this blog but in books that I’m attempting to write on the side. Stories might be a better word, not exactly novels, but one thing at a time I say. This creativity has influenced how I view learning new classes that I haven’t played beyond level 20 before.
Even though I know of the plethora of resources available to me, I will do a lot more personal exploring and experimenting of my classes as opposed to looking up the “best” rotations of talent specs for leveling or pvp or raiding, etc. Say what you will about the ability to be creative with the new talent trees, but I’ll study the trees myself and try to determine the best rotations through trial and error, and independent study rather than being told what to do. It’ll be a means of expressing my creativity in-game, to the extent that that will be possible (I know this is a debatable topic, but I don’t want to delve into it right now).
So I’ll keep some of the old motivations, and add a few new pigments to them, hopefully making my play experiences far more colorful than they ever were before.
Lore
The one thing that has been changing in me is my desire to know more of and immerse myself in the lore of World of Warcraft. I love a great story, and I’ve come across some really emotionally moving stories in some of my adventures already, and hope to be immersed in more.
This will combine nicely with my gardening skills, as I do more things in the game I’ll also take the time to learn the stories that are being told. There are rich characters in this game, people with remarkable backgrounds and sad tales to tell. I want to know more of these tales, to share in some part in their grief, pain, or happiness and victories. I live in a practical world where people “get go to school and get jobs and pay bills and such”, no longer do we truly believe in magical powers, today it’s smoke & mirrors or slight of hand that explains the supernatural. I want to at least pretend, even if it’s for minutes a day, that I’m a part of a magical story unfolding before my eyes, and that I am an important cog in that wheel.
With Azeroth changing and new stories and quests to be introduced, there will be plenty of content to go through and get lost in, and lost I shall get.
Seasons
There are times when WoW may feel like Spring, new and bright and filled with the hope of life and great new activities. There are other times where it may feel cold and dark, tedious and empty. Content is old, guildies on vacation, server population low, whatever the case. There will always me either personal or mass times of Winter, sort of like what happens pre-expansion. There is also Summer in WoW. A time of continued successes, stressful and long days where you fight both the heat of the environment and the continued wonders discovered in the Springtime of your play. You grow stronger in the face of the heat, you grow in power and understanding, all the while knowing that there will be an end and you’ll inevitably be led to the season of change, Autumn, or Fall. Class changes, spell changes, buffs or nerfs to players and content, new features that require a shift in attitude a different means of player interaction.
For all the seasons we pass through in WoW, the one thing that keeps us coming back, that keeps me coming back is I know what to expect. I know that if I’m in a lull to wait, a new season is just around the corner waiting to refresh my outlook and bring new life or meaningful changes to the how and why I play this game.
May you enjoy the changes that are coming, and may you one day visit New Hampshire in the Fall, it truly is spectacular to see!
Monday, May 24, 2010
On MMO's, Attitudes, and Other Crap
I've been inspired. Larisa and her pink pig tails brought to my attention (not the first to do it nor the last) the sentiments of a segment of the gaming population that purport that MMO's are in need of a Cataclysm of it's own, as the current menu items are stagnant and on the verge of plunging into oblivion.
I didn't think leaving a comment would allow me to express all my thoughts that wouldn't have her deleting it due to its length, so I'm saying what I think right here. So listen up.
You can check out the article that got Larisa going, and consequently me as well. There is talk about lack of evolution or innovation. Let me quote Wolfshead here so I get it right:
"The only explanation I can fathom for the lack of evolution in the genre is that Blizzard is purposely withholding all of their innovations for their upcoming next gen MMO..."
Let me get this straight, Blizzard is to blame for thousands of other people not being innovative? That would assume that other game developers are paid by Blizzard to not innovate, not yet anyway. This argument assumes that Blizzard is so powerful they control the budgets and development of the entire industry.
I am lucky enough to live in America, and even more fortunate to live on planet Earth (not that I'd have much of a future on Venus or Mars or something). But in my country and in our world there are many intelligent, ambitious, creative, and innovative people who seek to maximize their talentsa, abilities, and sometimes their profit margins to create competitive products and services. There are a few industries where people are paid to be unproductive, the US Governemnt pays farmers to not farm too much (Don't believe me? Research it yourself and find out that I'm telling the truth).
Sorry, I digress.
MMO industry is not the farming industry, other MMO companies are not paid to not innovate, and to claim that one company holds the strings on the release of all innovation is ridiculous at best.
I haven't been around 11 years, more like 1 and 1/2. I've seen clearly the stangant nature of a new level 80 having to spam run heroics to gear up, day after day after day...but that's not the whole game. It's true that you can't do any/everything you want in a game, all games have rules and limitations and we live and play these games with that foreknowledge. It then is in our hands whether to pursue entertainment in this manner knowing that inherent to any game will be limitations of some sort. Innovation, although limitless, still must find joy within the bounds of certain laws.
As part of Wolfshead's concluding statement he relates the following:
"What I’m going to say will sound trite but it needs to be said: read a book, take up a hobby, plant a real garden, walk a dog, spend some time with your family and friends, seek out the meaning of life. Get some perspective and open your eyes. At least for me, maybe I need to realize that there’s more to this life than looking at a computer screen and hoping for salvation from a virtual world."
If you think it will sound trite it's because it is trite...and unnecessary. One thing I've discovered in my lifetime and experiences is the gross danger in making broad sweeping generalized statements that attempt to explain behavior of masses while completely ignoring individual circumstances.
"Read a book." I've read half a dozen in the last month, how's that for ya?
"Take up a hobby". I've got plenty of those and dedicate myself to them a little bit every week.
"Plant a real garden". I live in Vegas, we're not allowed to use water here.
"Walk a dog." I'd rather kick one, but that's just me.
"Spend some time with your family and friends." I have no friends. Actually, I spend more time with my wife and kids than with myself. I love my family and constantly do stuff with them and love every minute of it.
"Seek out the meaning of life." I'm religious, yes, and guess what...I believe I know what the meaning of life is. I'm working every day to be a better person to achieve that meaning in it's fullness. Check that one off the list as well.
"Get some perspective and open your eyes." This assumes that I have no perspective and am blind to all around me. Broad sweeping generalization here! I've lived in various countries around the world, speak different languages, have been educated in worldly and spiritual matters, am active in politics and strive to view issues from all sides. I am a contradiction to the arguments that Wolfshead has put forth.
I don't seek salvation from a virtual world, and I don't think that anyone else does either. Yet after all this I play WoW. Why? I have my reasons (First, Second, Third). I play it and most of the time I enjoy it. I don't claim to believe that it's the most graphically intense, sociallly pure, or most intelligent game I've ever played. In fact it does not lead the list in any category I can think of. But what it does have is a well-roundedness that I enjoy. It's good at a lot of things, much like myself. Maybe that's what I like about it.
I'm not sure what Wolfshead or any other who agrees with him wants out of a game. Or maybe they realize that video games are more trivial than any other activity life has to offer and therefore it should be avoided at all costs. I sure hope they don't watch TV, I can't think of anything less productive than that.
Oh, and one more thing (less wow related). Here is a quote again from the same article:
"There’s an old saying that goes like this: people get the government they deserve. This same logic applies to MMOs: players get the MMO they deserve because ultimately we vote with our dollars."
"People get the government they deserve." Wow, I mean, wow. This isn't offensive or anything, is it? Let's not mix politics with video games too much, the comparisons aren't fair or accurate and won't do anyone credit to make such comparisons. But given that he went there, so will I (with a bit of sarcasm, so please indulge me).
Here are a list of people that would definately agree with that:
Jews living in Germany during the 20's, 30's and 40's.
Chinese people of today and many generations past under the reign on Communism.
Cubans under the dictatorship of Castro.
Russians under the rule of Stalin.
The people of the old Czechoslovakia who were rounded up and murdered simply because their GOVERNMENT decided that they weren't of sufficient human worth. Yep, this is a good one too.
Yeah, these people most certainly enjoyed having freedom of everything usurped and having mass genocide made upon them. I do not swear, as a personal rule, but if anything would ever make me cry out profanities it would be a statement that attempted to prove that people DESERVE the government they get. This is a gross example of over-generalizing and even worse, outright stupidity and insensitivity.
I would assert that nobody listen to a person who could make a claim without thinking of the consequences of such statement. But it was said, and poorly done so.
Back to the issue of MMO's in general, and WoW in particular. I still enjoy it, mainly becuase I make a point of taking time to do things and play in ways that is fun for me despite what anyone else says about it. It's my life, and this is something, just one thing that I do to have fun. When it stops being fun I'll stop, case closed. Frankly, I don't care much what innovation there is or isn't, I have no expectations so I have no way of being let down. But to say that one company is to blame seems to slight the intelligence, creativity, and spirit of everyone else in the world who is attempting to make a better MMO, a better community, a better place for everyone to play.
Let's give encouragement to those who want to have a better game AND are doing something about it. They are out there and they're working hard (unless, of course, you believe Blizzard is paying them to NOT innovate). Do what you want, don't do what you don't, but don't be trite is all I have say for now.
I didn't think leaving a comment would allow me to express all my thoughts that wouldn't have her deleting it due to its length, so I'm saying what I think right here. So listen up.
You can check out the article that got Larisa going, and consequently me as well. There is talk about lack of evolution or innovation. Let me quote Wolfshead here so I get it right:
"The only explanation I can fathom for the lack of evolution in the genre is that Blizzard is purposely withholding all of their innovations for their upcoming next gen MMO..."
Let me get this straight, Blizzard is to blame for thousands of other people not being innovative? That would assume that other game developers are paid by Blizzard to not innovate, not yet anyway. This argument assumes that Blizzard is so powerful they control the budgets and development of the entire industry.
I am lucky enough to live in America, and even more fortunate to live on planet Earth (not that I'd have much of a future on Venus or Mars or something). But in my country and in our world there are many intelligent, ambitious, creative, and innovative people who seek to maximize their talentsa, abilities, and sometimes their profit margins to create competitive products and services. There are a few industries where people are paid to be unproductive, the US Governemnt pays farmers to not farm too much (Don't believe me? Research it yourself and find out that I'm telling the truth).
Sorry, I digress.
MMO industry is not the farming industry, other MMO companies are not paid to not innovate, and to claim that one company holds the strings on the release of all innovation is ridiculous at best.
I haven't been around 11 years, more like 1 and 1/2. I've seen clearly the stangant nature of a new level 80 having to spam run heroics to gear up, day after day after day...but that's not the whole game. It's true that you can't do any/everything you want in a game, all games have rules and limitations and we live and play these games with that foreknowledge. It then is in our hands whether to pursue entertainment in this manner knowing that inherent to any game will be limitations of some sort. Innovation, although limitless, still must find joy within the bounds of certain laws.
As part of Wolfshead's concluding statement he relates the following:
"What I’m going to say will sound trite but it needs to be said: read a book, take up a hobby, plant a real garden, walk a dog, spend some time with your family and friends, seek out the meaning of life. Get some perspective and open your eyes. At least for me, maybe I need to realize that there’s more to this life than looking at a computer screen and hoping for salvation from a virtual world."
If you think it will sound trite it's because it is trite...and unnecessary. One thing I've discovered in my lifetime and experiences is the gross danger in making broad sweeping generalized statements that attempt to explain behavior of masses while completely ignoring individual circumstances.
"Read a book." I've read half a dozen in the last month, how's that for ya?
"Take up a hobby". I've got plenty of those and dedicate myself to them a little bit every week.
"Plant a real garden". I live in Vegas, we're not allowed to use water here.
"Walk a dog." I'd rather kick one, but that's just me.
"Spend some time with your family and friends." I have no friends. Actually, I spend more time with my wife and kids than with myself. I love my family and constantly do stuff with them and love every minute of it.
"Seek out the meaning of life." I'm religious, yes, and guess what...I believe I know what the meaning of life is. I'm working every day to be a better person to achieve that meaning in it's fullness. Check that one off the list as well.
"Get some perspective and open your eyes." This assumes that I have no perspective and am blind to all around me. Broad sweeping generalization here! I've lived in various countries around the world, speak different languages, have been educated in worldly and spiritual matters, am active in politics and strive to view issues from all sides. I am a contradiction to the arguments that Wolfshead has put forth.
I don't seek salvation from a virtual world, and I don't think that anyone else does either. Yet after all this I play WoW. Why? I have my reasons (First, Second, Third). I play it and most of the time I enjoy it. I don't claim to believe that it's the most graphically intense, sociallly pure, or most intelligent game I've ever played. In fact it does not lead the list in any category I can think of. But what it does have is a well-roundedness that I enjoy. It's good at a lot of things, much like myself. Maybe that's what I like about it.
I'm not sure what Wolfshead or any other who agrees with him wants out of a game. Or maybe they realize that video games are more trivial than any other activity life has to offer and therefore it should be avoided at all costs. I sure hope they don't watch TV, I can't think of anything less productive than that.
Oh, and one more thing (less wow related). Here is a quote again from the same article:
"There’s an old saying that goes like this: people get the government they deserve. This same logic applies to MMOs: players get the MMO they deserve because ultimately we vote with our dollars."
"People get the government they deserve." Wow, I mean, wow. This isn't offensive or anything, is it? Let's not mix politics with video games too much, the comparisons aren't fair or accurate and won't do anyone credit to make such comparisons. But given that he went there, so will I (with a bit of sarcasm, so please indulge me).
Here are a list of people that would definately agree with that:
Jews living in Germany during the 20's, 30's and 40's.
Chinese people of today and many generations past under the reign on Communism.
Cubans under the dictatorship of Castro.
Russians under the rule of Stalin.
The people of the old Czechoslovakia who were rounded up and murdered simply because their GOVERNMENT decided that they weren't of sufficient human worth. Yep, this is a good one too.
Yeah, these people most certainly enjoyed having freedom of everything usurped and having mass genocide made upon them. I do not swear, as a personal rule, but if anything would ever make me cry out profanities it would be a statement that attempted to prove that people DESERVE the government they get. This is a gross example of over-generalizing and even worse, outright stupidity and insensitivity.
I would assert that nobody listen to a person who could make a claim without thinking of the consequences of such statement. But it was said, and poorly done so.
Back to the issue of MMO's in general, and WoW in particular. I still enjoy it, mainly becuase I make a point of taking time to do things and play in ways that is fun for me despite what anyone else says about it. It's my life, and this is something, just one thing that I do to have fun. When it stops being fun I'll stop, case closed. Frankly, I don't care much what innovation there is or isn't, I have no expectations so I have no way of being let down. But to say that one company is to blame seems to slight the intelligence, creativity, and spirit of everyone else in the world who is attempting to make a better MMO, a better community, a better place for everyone to play.
Let's give encouragement to those who want to have a better game AND are doing something about it. They are out there and they're working hard (unless, of course, you believe Blizzard is paying them to NOT innovate). Do what you want, don't do what you don't, but don't be trite is all I have say for now.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Why I Never Did...Why I Just Might
Letter to self (and to others, if you so wish):
Have any of you ever contemplated starting your own guild? Did you follow through on that? If yes this post is not for you. I mean, you're welcome to stay and delight in my nouns, adjectives and occaisional adverbs. I assure you, however, that not one gerund will be utilized in the making of these thoughts.
Avoiding reality was never my strong suit. Dancing on the ceiling was evidently only possible by Lionel Richie and his select group of gravity-hating friends. (Ok, so I lied about the gerunds, so what!)
Creating a guild has been an ambition of mine from early on in my playing days. Once I learned that people organized themselves into guilds for various purposes I became instantly entralled by the motives that drove people to such actions.
Coupled with that was my own experience trying to get to know people (for my own reasons). I came into WoW with no RL friend, that I know of, but by mere chance actually. I saw that some of the content avaiable mandated that you either be super powerful or be part of a group. I could see the advantages of being part of a guild, where you have access to resources of supposedly like-minded individuals that, given their availability, could support me on my way to achieving my in game goals.
But everyone is different, no two people are alike. That may be too obvious of a statement, but it's a real truth that both brings people together and drives them apart.
Here is a list of some of the reasons why I wanted to have my own guild:
1) I like to help people. What better way to foster an atmosphere of help and support than to be the leader of the group and set the example. I believe that leadership sets a tone for a guild, and those who are open minded often will be influenced by the attitudes and behaviours of said leader. I knew that it would be difficult given the individualistic nature of many of the people on my server, but I set high standards for myself.
2) Access to Resources. Although I am quite self-sufficient, I quickly began to see the benefits of a group of people pooling their resources together to help each other skill up their professions, provide others with greater power in battle, and instill in the group a sense of community or a closeness that comes from being a part of each others success.
3) So I can experience more content. Even at low levels, I wanted to experience more content. But I wanted to do it in an environment where one death in a group would cause a complete disbanding of the whole (which sadly does happen every now and then). At higher levels I could be the means of taking people who just reached 80 for the first time and lead them through content, again with a group of people who would be supportive and undersatanding of the learning curve that everyone passes through (albeit some faster than others). It wasn't just MORE content, it was more content with understanding and good natured people.
These are just a few of the reasons why I've always wanted to start my own guild. Now you may say to me "Gronthe, you can achieve all these goals without starting your own guild, you can do these things with a pre-made guild and still be an example to others and earn their respect. Why go through the hassle of starting your own guild?"
Well let's look at some of those problems that may arise out of guild leadership. Contention in the ranks, recruitment, retention, money (gold - i.e. policies on taxation...er, contribution, etc), obtaining start up signatures, difficulty of finding "like-minded" individuals, or at least people that are close enough to what you believe a guild should be.
Yes, I admit that those are some sticky issues, and are examples of things that I would never have to deal with as long as I kept my nose out of guild leadership/ownership. So back to the question, "why go through the hassle of starting your own guild?"
Being a leader FEELS different than being a soldier. Sure, you have more responsibility, but I think you also feel more gratfied with your successes. Imagine how your guild creator feels when a group of people that he/she put together downs Arthas. Now compare that to how you feel. No doubt you feel pretty darn good, but I guarantee you that the guild owner/leader feels A LOT better, is satisfied in a way that you simply cannot be due to your position.
I don't have a need to feel powerful to know that I'm of worth. But I can't shake the feeling that I was never meant to follow, but to lead. Have you ever known somebody who was an outstanding teacher during your brief or long years of your educational career? Imagine that person denying his/her talents and how the world would be different without their influence. I'm sure there would always be somebody else that would have been hired to teach that Spanish class, but your life would never have been touched by that person, ever.
I am not saying that I am a great teacher or a great leader, but I've had enough life experience to know what my talents are, and it's not in following.
So why haven't I done anything? Because along with my strengths I have some debilitating weaknesses. I'm insanely shy, except when I choose not to be (which takes a mighty effort on my part). I have a speech impediment, and have since I was a child. Interestingly enough that impediment never surfaced during my brief acting career when I could stand on a stage and deliver flawless lines. It surfaces more when I have to actually talk to somebody real, which is just about all the time. I make excuses...enough said.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm scared, and always have been. I'm scared of rejection, I 'm scared of failure. So to compensate for that I follow. I can guess at some of the comments that may arise from this post (that is if anyone actually reads this stuff).
"Just do it!"
Thanks, Nike spokesman(woman). Ever heard the cliche "easier said than done"? Yeah, try saying "just do it" to somebody with serious social anxiety disorder, that goes over real well. I think I would do it if I had a plan, it's just that I've never sat down and carved one out in stone yet. Maybe you could help me. How would you (if you were me) go about leaving a good guild with good people to start your own guild without creating resenment among the friends that you have made? Would this require a server transfer?
With Cataclysm soon upon us, this may be the best opportunity I have to experiment with my beliefs and start my own guild. Casual v hardcore? Raiding v leveling? So many things to think about. Maybe all I need is the right kind of encouragement, I'm not sure. But I do know that I want to, I just need to find a way to overcome my fears and, for lack of a better term, just do it!
-Gronthe
Have any of you ever contemplated starting your own guild? Did you follow through on that? If yes this post is not for you. I mean, you're welcome to stay and delight in my nouns, adjectives and occaisional adverbs. I assure you, however, that not one gerund will be utilized in the making of these thoughts.
Avoiding reality was never my strong suit. Dancing on the ceiling was evidently only possible by Lionel Richie and his select group of gravity-hating friends. (Ok, so I lied about the gerunds, so what!)
Creating a guild has been an ambition of mine from early on in my playing days. Once I learned that people organized themselves into guilds for various purposes I became instantly entralled by the motives that drove people to such actions.
Coupled with that was my own experience trying to get to know people (for my own reasons). I came into WoW with no RL friend, that I know of, but by mere chance actually. I saw that some of the content avaiable mandated that you either be super powerful or be part of a group. I could see the advantages of being part of a guild, where you have access to resources of supposedly like-minded individuals that, given their availability, could support me on my way to achieving my in game goals.
But everyone is different, no two people are alike. That may be too obvious of a statement, but it's a real truth that both brings people together and drives them apart.
Here is a list of some of the reasons why I wanted to have my own guild:
1) I like to help people. What better way to foster an atmosphere of help and support than to be the leader of the group and set the example. I believe that leadership sets a tone for a guild, and those who are open minded often will be influenced by the attitudes and behaviours of said leader. I knew that it would be difficult given the individualistic nature of many of the people on my server, but I set high standards for myself.
2) Access to Resources. Although I am quite self-sufficient, I quickly began to see the benefits of a group of people pooling their resources together to help each other skill up their professions, provide others with greater power in battle, and instill in the group a sense of community or a closeness that comes from being a part of each others success.
3) So I can experience more content. Even at low levels, I wanted to experience more content. But I wanted to do it in an environment where one death in a group would cause a complete disbanding of the whole (which sadly does happen every now and then). At higher levels I could be the means of taking people who just reached 80 for the first time and lead them through content, again with a group of people who would be supportive and undersatanding of the learning curve that everyone passes through (albeit some faster than others). It wasn't just MORE content, it was more content with understanding and good natured people.
These are just a few of the reasons why I've always wanted to start my own guild. Now you may say to me "Gronthe, you can achieve all these goals without starting your own guild, you can do these things with a pre-made guild and still be an example to others and earn their respect. Why go through the hassle of starting your own guild?"
Well let's look at some of those problems that may arise out of guild leadership. Contention in the ranks, recruitment, retention, money (gold - i.e. policies on taxation...er, contribution, etc), obtaining start up signatures, difficulty of finding "like-minded" individuals, or at least people that are close enough to what you believe a guild should be.
Yes, I admit that those are some sticky issues, and are examples of things that I would never have to deal with as long as I kept my nose out of guild leadership/ownership. So back to the question, "why go through the hassle of starting your own guild?"
Being a leader FEELS different than being a soldier. Sure, you have more responsibility, but I think you also feel more gratfied with your successes. Imagine how your guild creator feels when a group of people that he/she put together downs Arthas. Now compare that to how you feel. No doubt you feel pretty darn good, but I guarantee you that the guild owner/leader feels A LOT better, is satisfied in a way that you simply cannot be due to your position.
I don't have a need to feel powerful to know that I'm of worth. But I can't shake the feeling that I was never meant to follow, but to lead. Have you ever known somebody who was an outstanding teacher during your brief or long years of your educational career? Imagine that person denying his/her talents and how the world would be different without their influence. I'm sure there would always be somebody else that would have been hired to teach that Spanish class, but your life would never have been touched by that person, ever.
I am not saying that I am a great teacher or a great leader, but I've had enough life experience to know what my talents are, and it's not in following.
So why haven't I done anything? Because along with my strengths I have some debilitating weaknesses. I'm insanely shy, except when I choose not to be (which takes a mighty effort on my part). I have a speech impediment, and have since I was a child. Interestingly enough that impediment never surfaced during my brief acting career when I could stand on a stage and deliver flawless lines. It surfaces more when I have to actually talk to somebody real, which is just about all the time. I make excuses...enough said.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm scared, and always have been. I'm scared of rejection, I 'm scared of failure. So to compensate for that I follow. I can guess at some of the comments that may arise from this post (that is if anyone actually reads this stuff).
"Just do it!"
Thanks, Nike spokesman(woman). Ever heard the cliche "easier said than done"? Yeah, try saying "just do it" to somebody with serious social anxiety disorder, that goes over real well. I think I would do it if I had a plan, it's just that I've never sat down and carved one out in stone yet. Maybe you could help me. How would you (if you were me) go about leaving a good guild with good people to start your own guild without creating resenment among the friends that you have made? Would this require a server transfer?
With Cataclysm soon upon us, this may be the best opportunity I have to experiment with my beliefs and start my own guild. Casual v hardcore? Raiding v leveling? So many things to think about. Maybe all I need is the right kind of encouragement, I'm not sure. But I do know that I want to, I just need to find a way to overcome my fears and, for lack of a better term, just do it!
-Gronthe
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Part 3...Unveiling of Motive
Let me get something straight, two days ago I said that I would write one post a day until I completed 3 posts that would ultimately unveil what my motives for playing WoW are. Well yesterday I was so unbelievably sick that I just couldn't post. Then Larisa the Innkeeper decided to chime in, waiting for my post, but it wasn't there. I felt terrible, just terrible, so I decided to post part one and two. Maybe it's my medicine, maybe it's just luck, but I feel well enough now to write, and not knowing how I'll feel tomorrow I'm going to post part 3 now (I also don't want to lose such a wonderful reader as Larisa).
If you haven't read part one or two I suggest you do, it gives the backdrop to the story I am telling.
Part 3...Unveiling of Motive
Cute girls? /Laugh. They are a thing of the past. Only one woman matters to me today, not 3 bent on devastaion and destruction of my skull. Music is still a part of my life, as are sports (but only in the viewing sense). I work professionally in business and still have the dream of owning my own theater one day. I believe in culture, I believe that a community is enriched by music and dance and theater. But moving on...
Two years ago I was involved in an accident at work, an accident that left me unable to walk for a couple weeks. I can walk today, but I live with a tremendous amount of pain. It's difficult to keep a steady job because I miss so much work due to my condition. Every avenue to help me feel better and fix my condition has been denied by both workers compensation law and private insurance companies. Nobody wants to put up the money necessary to help me, and I am not wealthy enough to do it without financial support.
So where am I? Stuck. The system has spit me out and stomped on my head (or back, since it's my back that's injured). I'm frustrated and scared. I've done nothing illegal, I only seek medical help, yet the law in my state, and many states in the US does not protect the worker but the businesses that employ. Law is not always right, we know that, but I find myself only 3 weeks from losing my current job (was just notified of that 2 days ago), I am handicaped, but not in a way that allows me to earn support from local or federal government or private sources of support, and there remain just a few things that I can physically do.
Two things I can do: I can live and I can remember.
The memories of my life are as fresh today as the day they all occured. It's a result of having a lot of time to think by myself, unhindered by a stern boss or nagging wife (just to be clear, my wife doesn't nag, she's perfect). Memories of my past have helped me put my present into perspective. Memories have helped me to not repeat past mistakes and search for new experiences. Memories keep me sane, in part.
I live life the best way I can now. I know I said I'm angry but I still hold out hope for a solution. I would love to be able to teach my kids how to throw a baseball or shoot a basketball, but those activities have been put on hold. Outside of work I live in two worlds, my church and my family (not necessarily in that order). Every day when I get home I have my family there waiting for me, smiling and happy to see their husband or dad get home from a hard and painful day at work. They bring me a light and a joy that I once thought I would find in cute girls, sports, music or business.
But I've learned none of those things were truly important to me. My family is what gives me life now. But I'm limited, and that makes my kids sad sometimes, and in turn leads me to tears. But a little more than a year ago while serfing the net I came accross an add for a free ten day trial for some World of Warcraft or something or other. I couldn't do a lot physically, but my eyes and fingers still worked just fine. So I tried it out.
I was engaged from the fist step I took into the Northsire Abby. What came flooding back to me were all the memories I had as a kid, playing games because I was too injured to participate in what other "normal" people were doing. In High School my games were singing and dancing, a diversion afforded to me because of physical injury and limitations. Now as an adult I am injured once more, and out of all things to divert me for brief moments at night I have a game that millions of others are playing all around the world. A MMO, a term I had never before heard of...why would I?
Soon after starting my kids saw this game and have rarely left my side since. Every day we play together, me and my boys. I've let them create a few characters of their own to explore Azeroth, and it makes me happy to see them excited because they enjoy the time we spend together.
I'm not a horrible father, however, I still talk to them, read to them, and help them with shcool projects and their cub scout stuff, but we still love to play WoW together every night.
All my life I've made plans, and it's always been some physical injury that has changed the course of my life. Those injuries have forced me to find other hobbies, other activities to engage in. Before my injury as an adult I spent time with my kids just like any other dad, perhaps better even. But now I spend a lot of time with them, and playing Wow together has simply given me more time to do even more stuff with them, even though I'm limited phycially.
I started to play WoW because, well, I could. There were no limitations on me physically. But more than that it was a lifetime of memories flowing back to greet me, to welcome me back into the world of games and fantasy. A new path that appeared out of trial.
I still play because it's one more thing to do to spend time with my kids, it makes us happy. I continue to play because it allows me to rest from the difficulites of my day, the pain. I know it's just a game, and I know that one day something new will open up in my life, but I'm going to ride this train as long as it's at the station.
If a motive is something (need or desire) that causes a person to act, my motive was my desire to feel relief. I'm relieved I can do something with my kids without them resenting me for not being able to walk or play outside with them. I'm relieved that there is a fun and fascinating diversion in my life that lets me be myself without interference from the world. I needed relief, and for now I've found it, and it's nice.
If you haven't read part one or two I suggest you do, it gives the backdrop to the story I am telling.
Part 3...Unveiling of Motive
Cute girls? /Laugh. They are a thing of the past. Only one woman matters to me today, not 3 bent on devastaion and destruction of my skull. Music is still a part of my life, as are sports (but only in the viewing sense). I work professionally in business and still have the dream of owning my own theater one day. I believe in culture, I believe that a community is enriched by music and dance and theater. But moving on...
Two years ago I was involved in an accident at work, an accident that left me unable to walk for a couple weeks. I can walk today, but I live with a tremendous amount of pain. It's difficult to keep a steady job because I miss so much work due to my condition. Every avenue to help me feel better and fix my condition has been denied by both workers compensation law and private insurance companies. Nobody wants to put up the money necessary to help me, and I am not wealthy enough to do it without financial support.
So where am I? Stuck. The system has spit me out and stomped on my head (or back, since it's my back that's injured). I'm frustrated and scared. I've done nothing illegal, I only seek medical help, yet the law in my state, and many states in the US does not protect the worker but the businesses that employ. Law is not always right, we know that, but I find myself only 3 weeks from losing my current job (was just notified of that 2 days ago), I am handicaped, but not in a way that allows me to earn support from local or federal government or private sources of support, and there remain just a few things that I can physically do.
Two things I can do: I can live and I can remember.
The memories of my life are as fresh today as the day they all occured. It's a result of having a lot of time to think by myself, unhindered by a stern boss or nagging wife (just to be clear, my wife doesn't nag, she's perfect). Memories of my past have helped me put my present into perspective. Memories have helped me to not repeat past mistakes and search for new experiences. Memories keep me sane, in part.
I live life the best way I can now. I know I said I'm angry but I still hold out hope for a solution. I would love to be able to teach my kids how to throw a baseball or shoot a basketball, but those activities have been put on hold. Outside of work I live in two worlds, my church and my family (not necessarily in that order). Every day when I get home I have my family there waiting for me, smiling and happy to see their husband or dad get home from a hard and painful day at work. They bring me a light and a joy that I once thought I would find in cute girls, sports, music or business.
But I've learned none of those things were truly important to me. My family is what gives me life now. But I'm limited, and that makes my kids sad sometimes, and in turn leads me to tears. But a little more than a year ago while serfing the net I came accross an add for a free ten day trial for some World of Warcraft or something or other. I couldn't do a lot physically, but my eyes and fingers still worked just fine. So I tried it out.
I was engaged from the fist step I took into the Northsire Abby. What came flooding back to me were all the memories I had as a kid, playing games because I was too injured to participate in what other "normal" people were doing. In High School my games were singing and dancing, a diversion afforded to me because of physical injury and limitations. Now as an adult I am injured once more, and out of all things to divert me for brief moments at night I have a game that millions of others are playing all around the world. A MMO, a term I had never before heard of...why would I?
Soon after starting my kids saw this game and have rarely left my side since. Every day we play together, me and my boys. I've let them create a few characters of their own to explore Azeroth, and it makes me happy to see them excited because they enjoy the time we spend together.
I'm not a horrible father, however, I still talk to them, read to them, and help them with shcool projects and their cub scout stuff, but we still love to play WoW together every night.
All my life I've made plans, and it's always been some physical injury that has changed the course of my life. Those injuries have forced me to find other hobbies, other activities to engage in. Before my injury as an adult I spent time with my kids just like any other dad, perhaps better even. But now I spend a lot of time with them, and playing Wow together has simply given me more time to do even more stuff with them, even though I'm limited phycially.
I started to play WoW because, well, I could. There were no limitations on me physically. But more than that it was a lifetime of memories flowing back to greet me, to welcome me back into the world of games and fantasy. A new path that appeared out of trial.
I still play because it's one more thing to do to spend time with my kids, it makes us happy. I continue to play because it allows me to rest from the difficulites of my day, the pain. I know it's just a game, and I know that one day something new will open up in my life, but I'm going to ride this train as long as it's at the station.
If a motive is something (need or desire) that causes a person to act, my motive was my desire to feel relief. I'm relieved I can do something with my kids without them resenting me for not being able to walk or play outside with them. I'm relieved that there is a fun and fascinating diversion in my life that lets me be myself without interference from the world. I needed relief, and for now I've found it, and it's nice.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Motives
Motives are power. They are the raw force that drives us to act. They are a product of thought fueled by knowledge. What actions are ever done without first existed a motive for such action.
Websters defines it as "something (need or desire) that causes a person to act.
In my short and limited exposure to psychology I noticed that Psychologits are hesitant to claim "Causality" as it is very difficult to prove something like "watching reality TV CAUSES stupidity". There are levels of correlation that they are willing to measure, but it's dangerous to say that any one thing CAUSES another.
But our motives are drivers, in a way causing us to act because that's what we think that we need or know that we desire.
What was my motive to start playing World of Warcraft? The story is a long one and I'm afraid I cannot put it all into one post. What I plan to do is write a series of 3 posts that help to give a deeper insight into not only why I started playing but why I continue to do so.
Sorry, this is a cliffhanger!
Feel free to bring both you and yourself back tomorrow for the start of this journey. Hint: It begins in childhood. I hope I can make it entertaining enough to keep you coming back for more.
Websters defines it as "something (need or desire) that causes a person to act.
In my short and limited exposure to psychology I noticed that Psychologits are hesitant to claim "Causality" as it is very difficult to prove something like "watching reality TV CAUSES stupidity". There are levels of correlation that they are willing to measure, but it's dangerous to say that any one thing CAUSES another.
But our motives are drivers, in a way causing us to act because that's what we think that we need or know that we desire.
What was my motive to start playing World of Warcraft? The story is a long one and I'm afraid I cannot put it all into one post. What I plan to do is write a series of 3 posts that help to give a deeper insight into not only why I started playing but why I continue to do so.
Sorry, this is a cliffhanger!
Feel free to bring both you and yourself back tomorrow for the start of this journey. Hint: It begins in childhood. I hope I can make it entertaining enough to keep you coming back for more.
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