Friday, August 20, 2010

Friday Idiocy!

You'll see it here first! An exclusive interview with one of the greatest players the game of WoW has ever seen. I was contacted in the middle of the night by this guy/gal requesting an audience, since they seem to have been banned on every website forum on the internet. Being so great, I wondered why the bans, but then I remembered my belief in freedom of speech and expression, so I asked a few questions and got a few answers. So, without further ado, we now learn a thing or two from...what shall we call this player? about "Greatness"? Yes, that will do.

Greatness: I'd say thank you, Gronthe, for the audience and the chance to share my story, but I'm not going to. It'll be your pleasure to listen to what I've got to say.

Me: Sounds, er great. So, why the call in the middle of the night? What could be so important?

Greatness: I've had enough of idiots in this game. ENOUGH I TELL YOU!!! Every stupid day I log in and queue for a dungeon only to meet people who say the most ridiculous things to me.

Me: Like what? Give me an example.

Greatness: Like "Hello" for one.

Me: You hate people who say "hello" to you?

Greatness: Hate? I wouldn't say I hate them, rather I've had enough of their niceness, it's sickening and it's ruining the game for everyone else.

Me: ...

Greatness: I'm at the point where I'm convinced that these idiots don't really deserve a response, so to get back at them I don't buff them and just start running at mobs the second I zone in. Being the great tank that I am, normally I can pull literally half the instance without losing so much as 1K of my health. Over and over I'm proving to all these incompetent fools how truly great I am and what do they do in return? They ask me to slow down by trying to convince me that they "need mana, just respecced" or use words like "please" and "wait for the healer". Sorry, I didn't become great by waiting for you to suck. Get up on your fingertips and follow me, wherever I go. Some of my greatness might just rub off on you...wait no, it won' greatness is my own.

Me: Sounds like you're upset.

Greatness: When was the last time you got anything done by working together with someone else? I'm not sure why I'm put into an instance with 4 other people anyway. I thought I selected the solo instance, it was right there on my UI, I saw it so that's what I picked.

Me: Solo dungeon option, I'll have to, er, look for that someday. But do tell me, do you feel that everyone else is stupid or just any person who wanders into your field of vision?

Greatness: Is that like a soccer field or something? Or a movie like Field of Dreams?

Me: I'm not sure what to ask you anymore, do you have a rational thought that you would like to share with my readers today?

Greatness: Rational? I've been nothing but rational. Here's my problem with others. Politeness never conquered Rome, never helped Alexander the great subdue Persia, never got anyone elected President of the USA, and certainly never got anyone into a top raiding guild.

Me: Tell me, Alexander, are you in a top raiding guild?

Greatness: No.

Me: Why?

Greatness: Because everyone else sucks. There are too many "helpful" people, willing to show others an optimal rotation or viable enchant. Too many guilds out there who share resources and support each other through an efficient use of professions. There are too many people who depend on worthless addons in an attempt to heal better or produce higher DPS, as if they will ever be able to utilize technology in such a way that it will surpass the undeniable uberness of my own synapses. Consider this an invitation to all those out there as great as I am to come join the ultimate raiding guild. We shall never fail, never wipe, never talk...because talking is for idiots. We shall be perfect in every way, just like me.

Me: Do you have any prospects for this new, perfect guild?

Greatness: No way! Everyone sucks, nobody will ever be as good as me. Nobody will ever be able to destroy an entire instance solo like I do every day. There's always there 4 other stupidly polite people watching me run throught content they could only dream about sniffing one day. They're not worthy to see me do my thing, but as yet I can't seem to stop them from viewing the party.

Me: I'm feeling all of a sudden inferior, you are most kind to remind me of my rightful place, and of your obvious epicness.

Greatness: Like I said, this is an honor for you and everyone to bask in my glory. Soak it in while you can, it'll only be memory when I leave.

Me: And when will that be? Soon, I hope.

Greatness: I'm beginning to think you're being sarcastic with me.

Me: I would never consider even attempting such atrocity in your presence, your Greatness. I am only considering your own well being, it can't be healthy for you to be speaking to somebody so lowly as I.

Greatness: You know something, pal, you're right. You're not worthy. I'll have to go find some other blog to grace.

Greatness then left without saying goodbye, which I can't say I'm surprised. Clearly he is a great tank, an unmatched DPSer and omnipotent healer. a.k.a. a Paladin. I think we can all learn a lesson today, that is that you all suck at everything you do, and anything nice you do or say is all for nothing because if you aren't in the graces of Greatness himself, you're not worth anything. A valuable lesson for the weekend, I believe. Take it to heart. I know I'll sleep better knowing that I'm an idiot and an unworthy gamer.

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