Monday, June 20, 2011

MY Outlook on 1.3.a...NO, it's 3.1.6...Dangit, No, It's 4.2.YoMama

Whenever a new patch is on the horizon or even immediately upon us, it requires personal introspection to a degree previosly unattainable. No poppycock allowed in this corner, that is for absolute certain; I require absolute peace and quiet, and a cold root beer on a coaster (so I don't get those ringy things on my desk).

So, this week I read the patch notes, or what I believed to be the patch notes, and these are my conclusions.

1) I'm still quite as awesome today as I was the day I entered first grade. True, the girls don't all flock to me, but that's because of the barbed wire and electric fence surrounding my yard. When asked by my son who would win, Aragorn (of LOTR) or my Shaman I confidently stated that my Shaman would wipe his booty and like it. Yes, the patch notes did certainly confirm that my awesomeness can't be stopped.

2) WoW sort of plays like Pac-Man. I run around feeding on tiny bubbles/circles (questing), sometimes being buffed by larger circles (Heroism/Bloodlust/WhateverCrapSpellMagesStoleFromShamans) and occaisionally doing a nicely scripted dance with those pesky ghosts, sort of like a mix between Hiegan and Alterac Valley. In the end, after I've cleared the level it just resets and the wheel turns again and again (i.e. the next new awesome patch, or whatever).

3) There is no spoon.

4) I may be illiterate. It's true, I'm not actually writing this, I'm thinking it and it's manifesting itself on this page, right here and now. Amazing. So ultimately I'm not even sure that I read the patch notes, how could I if I can't even read.

5) I'm glad I play one of each class in the game, for when my Shadow Priest gets nerfed for doing "too much" PvE damage (I would have liked to have seen some of that come my way before getting rid of it, btw), I can always jump on some other toon and blow people's face off, like with my Black Arrow shooting Hunter. The results of my altitis is that I can't gear up anyone at level 85, but whatever, I'm not on that hamster wheel at this point in my career.

6) I'm so glad Blizzard pays me to play...Wait...What's that? I'm getting a message from my agent...he says that I pay Blizz. Then why am I paying you, you sniveling bloodsucking lawyer? You're fired!

7) Finally, after reading (or not) through the patch notes I know this: I'm still enjoying the little things, not taking really ANYTHING too seriously. I love yelling and screaming during BG's, it helps me release my inner rage. And I'm so glad that I've finished all the Hyjal quests on all my 85's before the patch hits, I'd hate to fall behind in the race that is imminent indeed.

1 comment:

Syl said...

..I confidently stated that my Shaman would wipe his booty and like it"

Haha, awesome! go get'em tiger! :P

It's nice that you can still enjoy the little things in the game, you seem to be one of the few that aren't in some kind of race.
the pacman analogy is brilliant and worrying at the same time. ;)